Dear Sweet Pea,
I miss you.
I miss you in the morning~ the act of gently pulling your sheet off of your partially-covered cage and saying, "Hello Pretty Bird," in a soft voice was routine.
I miss quickly working to serve your morning chop, and refreshing your water. Just like a human toddler, you weren't very patient!
I miss all of the sounds you'd make, even your blood-curdling scream you'd do every couple of days.
I do not miss the stressful moments that sometimes caused (family arguing- not screaming, just arguing!), or resulted from, the blood-curdling screams, but I miss the savage nature of the actual screams.
You would scream out when Fabricio or Sam would raise their voices with me. Right when you felt the tension rising, you'd start. To the contrary, when I raised my voice with either of them, you would never get stressed. I'll miss that feeling of always 'having someone on my side' in the home... someone with a very loud, strong voice that could effectively shut everyone up quickly. It did cause a lot of stress at times, but at other times, it was even helpful, like, 'ok, let's all calm down, Sweet Pea's getting nervous.'
I miss your eyes, and the way your pupils would dilate rapidly when you'd get excited over something you liked to eat, or for seeing a new person talk to you. -You loved having guests over, and were fascinated with different humans... as long as they didn't try to touch you!
I miss the confidence it gave me knowing that I had gained your trust. -You made me stronger. Early on, I knew I needed to be willing to take a good bite or two in order to establish that hand-claw relationship. And I did. And I'd do it all over again if need be.
I miss the excitement we felt each time we got to see you try something new, just like with a young child. When you sat on your swing for the first time, you interacted with your toys for the first time, ventured out of the cage for the first time... all of the firsts were, and always will be, magical, treasured moments in my heart of memories.
I miss you at eating times. I miss the way you'd climb down your cage to fork level to beg for food. Since this house is small, your cage sat right next to my seat at the dining room table... maybe that's why you bonded with me so much, huh?!
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| Sweet Pea coming very near to get a bite of whatever I was eating! |
I miss experiencing the joy of firsts with you, through you, just like one experiences with a young child. -Like the first time I was able to take you outside, seeing how you looked around at everything, enchanted by nature's abundance of sound and peace. I felt that with you for a moment. And it was so beautiful it makes me cry.
I miss the way your beak, and the way it looked like you were always smiling (when you were calm, at rest). It was just the cutest, most-precious thing.
I miss your amazing tongue. At first I wouldn't let you feel my fingers with your tongue because it would make me a little nervous, but after doing some research, and watching lots of macaw videos, I learned that birds interact with just about everything primarily through their beaks, and oftentimes with their tongues. Tongues are used to determine texture and to understand things. So I started letting you touch my fingers with your tongue, and hold onto my finger at times... this took our relationship to a whole new level. Finally you were getting to interact in a way that was more natural for your species. It helped us bond.
To have loved and lost is better than having never loved at all.
You've been gone for 3 days. I miss you. I've had so many mixed emotions: guilt, as you screamed out for me and looked so scared when I left you at your new home; anger at myself for not being able to keep you; anger, at my family for me not being able to keep you (we both know girl that kids and macaws don't typically mix that well, as was the case with you and Sam), sorrow, deep sorrow for missing you... you were like a daughter to me.
And while it never was the plan to keep you, I just loved you so, as you did me. The bond with a bird is different than a bond with a dog. You big parrots are so humanlike in so many ways.
I'll love you forever. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to find a home in the first place. I'm sorry you were ever in a home in the first place... you and your kind don't belong in human homes as we both know. But like Darrell, your new daddy said, 'they can be really happy in a home.'
God willing you will be. I pray for you. I'm in touch with your new family and really wish you were closer. But if you were I probably wouldn't get anything done but for visiting you! -You know when Sam was born, the first place I went with him (as a newborn), once I had the clear to drive, was to visit Guapo (my lovebird). -I had to visit Guapo because our then-apt complex made me get rid of him... thankfully I found friends to keep him for me until our lease was up. Anyway, I used to visit him, my bird, more than I would visit human friends, so, you get the point! #birdmom
Love Always and Forever,
Jessica
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